Twas the Night before Christmas -- The Very Last One (Anon. 1986) 'Twas the night before Christmas -- the very last one -- When the blazing of lasers destroyed all our fun. Just as Santa had lifted off, driving his sleigh, A satellite spotted him making his way. The Star Wars Defense System -- Reagan's desire Was ready for action, and started to fire! The laser beams criss-crossed and lit up the sky Like a fireworks show on the Fourth of July. I'd just finished wrapping the last of the toys When out of my chimney there came a great noise. I looked to the fireplace, hoping to see St. Nick bringing presents for missus and me. But what I saw next was disturbing and shocking: A flaming red jacket setting fire to my stocking! Charred reindeer remains and a melted sleigh-bell; Outside burning toys like confetti they fell. So now you know, children, why Christmas is gone: The Star Wars computer had got something wrong. Only programmed for battle, it hadn't a heart; 'Twas hardly a chance it would work from the start. It couldn't be tested, and no one could tell, If the crazy contraption would work very well. So after a trillion or two had been spent The system thought Santa a Red missle sent. So kids dry your tears now, and get off to bed, There won't be a Christmas -- since Santa is dead.