How Santa Knows

You'd better watch out,
You'd better not cry,
You'd better not pout;
I'm telling you why.

Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.

He's bugging your room,
He's reading your mail,
He's keeping a file
And running a tail.

Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.

He hears you in the bedroom,
Surveills you out of doors,
And if that doesn't get the goods,
Then he'll use provocateurs.

So--you mustn't assume
That you are secure.

On Christmas Eve
He'll kick in your door.

Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.


[Supposedly written for and sung at a US Department of Justice,
 Office of Legal Counsel Christmas party]